Dear Friend...

I have many questions for you! Where are you? Why haven't I heard from you? Did you seriously marry that latvian girl? That's what your brother told me.

I also have many things to say to you. First of all, I miss you. I miss your company, your opinion and in general, just miss having you around.

I have wanted to tell you for some time now that you completely changed my life. You helped me to open a door that lead to so many opportunities I didn't previously have access to. I will never ever forget that.

You always told me I was good enough, that I deserved more, that I was worth it. You boosted my confidence in a way that no friend ever had before.

You were always there to help me out and I wish I could have helped you more than I did. I just wasn't in a position where I could do much more than be there for you, and I'll admit that sometimes I wasn't even very good at that.

I definitely miss our old times and I will always look back on them fondly.

I hate the fact that I cannot get a hold of you. I hate that you have not been around to see me as a mother and to get to know the most beautiful baby in the world. (Ok, I'll admit that I might be partial to the boy, he really is adorable though.)

I wish you would call me.

I miss you.

Love Always,
Imakeprettybabies

Once Upon A Time I Grew A Person In My Belly

It was September and the longest summer of my life was finally drawing to a close. I was large, awkward and completely miserable. I looked like maybe I was trying to smuggle the world’s largest watermelon under my over-sized shirt. My feet looked alien. It was almost as if they did not belong on my body. My toes, much like my belly and feet, were unrecognizable, like little sausage links. The word miserable hardly comes close to describing the physical discomfort that my last month of pregnancy had inflicted.

The misery was purely physical. In every other way, I was ecstatic. Much like a child would be on Christmas Eve, anticipating the treasures that would surely await them the morning to follow. I was dying to see this person who had been growing inside of me, kicking, punching, stretching and squirming. At times, I was convinced hemight have been trying to claw his way out and his efforts could be clearly seen from the outside of my stomach. My whole belly would jump and twitch as he flipped and flopped. I had a stranger beating me up from the inside. I would try to guess what parts of him I was feeling from the outside. I could feel elbows, knees and feet scraping across the inside of my belly.

I awoke on Wednesday morning at four o’clock with a pain that will be forever burned into my memory. The pain was shooting, stabbing, burning and tightening, radiating through my belly and around to my back. I was absolutely terrified. At that point the anticipation had reached a whole new level. Today was the day. My entire existence would be forever changed in what would hopefully be a few short hours. My purpose, my plans, and my entire life would now revolve around this tiny person who had spent the last thirty-nine weeks and four days housed in my ever-expanding belly. Today I would be transformed from someone’s daughter into someone’s mother.

After fourteen hours of intense labor, an epidural that numbed only my left leg and two hours of pushing, there he was. The doctor flopped him onto my newly deflated stomach and time seemed to stop completely. The flurry of activity in the delivery room faded into the background as I studied the boy through a seemingly unlimited number of tears, counting fingers and toes and soaking in my very first glimpse of that beautiful baby boy. He was slimy, screaming at the top of his lungs, and staring right at me. He was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. After they cleaned him up he was even prettier. He wasn’t the wrinkly, cone-headed, red faced baby that you normally see. He had thick, jet black hair, more than I had ever seen on a baby, dark eyes and a beautiful complexion. I have never fallen so deeply in love, so quickly in my entire life. I loved him with a ferocity that I cannot describe from the very second that I laid eyes on him, true unconditional love. In that moment nothing else on the planet mattered, the entire world seemed to melt away. I stared at him that night and knew that I would never be the same.

I will never ever forget the day we left the hospital and took our baby boy home to the nest we had prepared for him. There is nothing in the world like bringing your brand new baby home for the first time. I kept asking myself (and others, occasionally) if we were really going to be allowed to keep him. I felt like I didn’t deserve him but at the same time could not live without him. I could have watched him for hours, his tiny chest rising and falling with each breath as he slept, just waiting for him to wake up so I could take care of any little thing his heart desired. I would have lassoed the moon for that sleepy, little bundle. I was fascinated by every noise he made. How could I possibly love him so much when he kept peeing on me every time I changed his diaper and vomiting all over my shirt every time I fed him?

Today is one year to the day since the birth of my son. This year has been the most fantastic, fulfilling, frustrating, wonderful and beautiful year of my life. Becoming Corbin’s Mommy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have devoted every minute of every day (and many nights) to him, not because I have to, but because I love to. He is everything I never knew I always wanted and more. It is sad that this year has flown by so quickly. If I didn’t know better, I would swear that someone has been holding down the fast forward button on the remote control of life. It’s unbelievable how quickly they grow and change in the first few months of their tiny, little lives. I’m still fascinated by everything he does. I think every parent is partial to their own child, but he is still the most adorable baby I have ever seen and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Five years ago if asked, I’d have cringed at the thought and said I never wanted to have children. I was too busy, I worked too much and more than anything I liked to be able to come and go as I wanted without being “tied down”. I liked to hit the snooze button repeatedly and leisurely go on about my morning enjoying a pot of coffee and heading out unencumbered for a day of work. I loved the freedom of getting up and going where ever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Where did children fit into that equation?

My son is the absolute love of my life that I never knew I wanted. My pregnancy and childbirth experience has taught me to be more open to the many possibilities and experiences that life has to offer. Something that may not sound like a good idea may turn out to be the thing that will change your life forever in the best possible way. I would definitely not be who I am today if I hadn’t gone on this incredible journey. So, even if I will never be a size seven again and my mornings will never be leisurely again, I wouldn’t change a thing. I can only hope that I will be fortunate enough to someday grow another tiny person in my belly.